Stop paying $20 for something so cheap and easy, I beg you.  

Whoever said pancakes are the poor man’s waffles… Fuck you.

Despite being in clear view of literally anyone and everyone, I could see that like a racing horse, him and his stallion was ready to go.

Okay kids, I can’t believe I have to make this but here goes… What follows is a comprehensive and somewhat patronising guide on how to stack your damn dishwasher correctly.

Aquarius: Go into university sometime. Your lecturers are concerned.

You’ve got no job, no savings, and only course costs to dig your ass out of the dirt, if you haven’t already spent it on an ounce or two…

Or atleast, how to not fuck it up for once

Scorpios: Change your fucking sheets

Oi, Adam. Clean your fucking bong mate.

The strong, gooey edible that’ll change your life.

Step One: Have a car

I know that’s already stumped most of you, but notice I didn’t say your car, just any ol’ car will do. Let’s just hope your mate has insurance…

I was nose deep in balls, and I looked up, startled, cum around my mouth and making eye contact with my dear mother.

Libras: Reply to your messages, people are starting to get worried about you. 

Directions: Cook your Mi Goreng, add the grated cheese. Say grace and r-amen.

This may just be the weirdest 6 minutes of my life.

Vegan, Gluten Free, Nut-free – it doesn’t matter what your dietary requirements are, this is the easiest failproof chocolate cake.

Paying bills can be a bitch. Shit costs money. For the unfortunate soul who has to calculate, estimate and pay the bills, you tend to spend more than you hoped just to keep things running.