Ramming w/ Fergus: Fashion mishap

Q. I tried a daring look for a first date but I face-planted and my nip slipped out! Ahhh! Fergus, I really like this guy, but have I fucked it up?   

A. Oh baby, you haven’t fucked anything up, in fact you may as well be fucking rn.  

When it comes to the face-plant, it can’t have been good. I once face-planted into a women’s breast so hard, she came. But no matter how bad your face-plant was, a nip slip would have saved it.  

In the age of #freethenipple — which I entirely support to the utmost degree — you should be proud of this moment. Not ashamed.  

I first learnt about the #freethenipple movement from a merino sheep across the paddock from me. She had been struggling to free her nipples for a while, considering she’s covered in wool. But she wanted to join the rebellion from the patriarchy and asked for my assistance. So, I borrowed the farmers shearers and shaved an inverted bikini into her wool. She was able to #freethenipple AND keep her coat. Now that’s feminism.  

Whoever this guy is, he should be helping you #freethenipple, not making you feel embarrassed by it. There’s been plenty of supermodels who have fallen on the runway, maybe had a nip slip or two, and it was iconic! So what, you’ve had a Naomi-Campbell-falling-on-the-Vivienne-Westwood-runway moment. Own it.  

I love freeing my nipples, especially on a date night. It allows me to be myself — areola hair and all. So, if tripping and letting your nip slip is being authentically yourself — let it slip baby. I’m ramming you- SORRY! I mean backing you all the way.