Sexcapades: People spreading gossip you're a blowjob virgin is a good thing

So, I was at this party in February, right? I was accosted by this strange white girl who we'll call Meredith (I'm giving her a crap name on purpose lol), who tbh quite obviously was into me but who I was mostly talking to out of politeness. She talked at me about her crap hometown, and her lesbian ex (she's bi) for about maybe half an hour or something, and then tried to recruit me to goad two of her friends into sleeping together (??).  

After this we start talking about sex and I honestly don't know how we get there, but Meredith asks me how many blowjobs I've ever had. I gave her the honest answer, that still very much stands (none). To be honest my first year was pretty much academically focused and I was very busy — I wasn't too fussed to try and go on wild sexscapades! [Editor’s note: This column has been around for half a decade, and you can’t spell it right?! Do better anon] 

Anyway, she was absolutely incredulous with this answer, and said to me "NONE??? YOUVE NEVER HAD ONE?? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU??" I felt a bit embarrassed but managed to bore her after playing someone's guitar for a bit (she tried to sing ‘Hey There Delilah’ off key to me playing an Amy Winehouse song).  

Eventually, later on, I got talking to this other girl (we'll call her Barbara). At this point in my life, I was often too anxious about consent to make the first move on girls. Barbara and I got talking about the night and I mentioned that someone had mocked me for how I had never had a blowjob. Barbara looks at me and says, "OH MY GOD THAT'S YOU??"  

TURNS OUT, Meredith had been spreading this story all-round the party to everyone else! Anyway, so me and Barbara were talking about it, and she asked why I had never had one. And I just say, "Um the opportunity has never presented itself" (like who tf am I talking like that? Hugh Grant?) And she said, "it's easy!" And I was like "Okay then, show me how you would do it". And so, she took a step back and walked up to me in a really sexy way and starts kissing me. We made out for like maybe half an hour and Barbara wanted me to go home with her. I recognised she was too drunk, so I declined. We followed each other on IG, and still like each other's stories sometimes — I like to think we have some sort of friendly understanding. She's cool. In a different universe we'd be mates.