CRUNCH!

Massive, my worst nightmare came true. Let me set the scene.

Last night, I experienced a kick of nostalgia for old gaming sites I used to fuck around on.

Aquarius: I want you to try your very best this week to actually listen to people. People know when you’re not listening and if you don’t start at least pretending to care you can say goodbye to your Friday night drinks invite. We both know you don’t want that.

She treated my dick as if it were a motherfucking popsicle.

Taurus: You can talk all the shit you want to about the Met Gala, but you know what? Sure, maybe only a few of the celebrities “understood the assignment” but that doesn’t mean you do. Literally. Start studying.

yum

I missed the shit uni food, there, I said it.

I was masturbating at my desk, tits out and skirt hiked up around my waist, whilst my boyfriend was furiously pounding away at his meat on screen. It was pretty fucking steamy.

This is the perfect kai to welcome in the warm months of spring. Kūmara makes a warm, creamy mash, perfect for nestling a crispy fillet of rāwaru (blue cod) or other white fish of your choosing. The rengakura (beetroot) packs a punch, with a vibrant salad to cut through the buttery main. It’s a bit fancy, but what better way to celebrate the end of winter?

Kia ora Massey whānau! Te Wiki o te Reo Māori is upon us and with it comes a wave of wholesome Māori focused content!

This recipe is a delicious, easy take on ramen noodles. The sauce is the champion of this dish. If you love it as much as I do, you'll find it goes hard in all sorts of culinary contexts.

I think we can collectively agree that Massey is actually doing a pretty decent job of looking after its students. A huge shout out to the staff working behind the scenes to help with welfare and support during this time.

Aries: The theme for the week is GREY HAIRS and boy, are you rocking it. Don’t worry, time comes for all of us eventually.

In order to help the Uni out a bit, we’ve come up with a list of possible names that we’d love to nab the top dog spot. Don’t say we never helped anyone! In no particular order, enjoy our finalists.

GEMINI: I hate to tell you this bestie, but both of your sugar daddies met at the same conference last Friday. Either drop one or tell them you’re not actually exclusive. Sugar daddies have feelings too.

I waited, shirtless, for him to keep progressing down to my dick. But, instead, he lingered around my stomach. He just kept kissing it.