Editorial: Massey’s chicken wing statue is supernatural

In the finance and food tech world of Massey Albany lives a golden creature. Veiny and sculpted to perfection, the golden chicken wing gives out aura points to any student that will stroke it. The Golden Promise is what it’s called, because it promises gold. It promises success and good fortune.  

But today, it’s being sent away for ‘maintenance’. After 11 years of mesmerizing students, it’s cracking at the creases. It’s shiny coat is peeling. Staff say it’s amazing it’s stayed in shape this well for this long. But this doesn’t surprise me at all. Massey claims the statue was put their for their 50th anniversary, and serves as a way to remember the land’s history as a chicken farm. 

But this is merely a cover up. In actuality, the golden wing flew down from the sky in 2014, Tumblr-core-esque with a chocker and flower crown on. The wing, from a far off planet, was a distant cousin of the chicken’s who used to live on the land. He (yes it’s a he) thought it was about time he pay a visit to his cuzzies. When he arrived, he was furious his cousins were gone. All that he found was a pothole filled car park and students pretending to study.  

But the lecturers were intrigued, particularly the Engineering ones (RIP to the Auckland Engineering degree). Massey said they spent $90,000 dollars to make the sculpture. But this is a bold face LIE. They spent the money on showering the outer-planet creature with gifts and treasures. They rubbed olive oil on his creases. They polished his golden skin. And they all went vegan in solidarity.  

Eventually, the golden wing grew to love the campus and he decided to make it his permanent home. With just one condition: No one could bring KFC on campus.  

He isn’t being sent away for ‘maintenance’. He’s really going back to his home planet to refresh his powers. He’ll come back shiny and beaming, and Massey will claim this was all them. But don’t believe it!  

With the buildings surrounding him being prepared for lease, his next location on campus is yet to be decided. A little chicken tells me our wing wants to be displayed right in front of the new ICC building. I mean, it cost Massey millions of dollars to build it, so why not make it flashier with our golden wing.  

With all that mighty power, we don’t want to anger the wing...