The Lesbian Masterdoc: Can a Tumblr post decide your sexuality?
The Lesbian Masterdoc. A rite of passage in the journey of queer self-discovery. The doc was first shown to me one afternoon in Year 13 English. My bisexual self scrolled through it alongside my friends, sure that I wouldn’t find anything pertaining to me in there.
This masterdoc is an online write up created by Angeli Luz. It was based off an essay from 1980 by Adrienne Cecile: Compulsive Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence, which provides compelling insights on the societal constraints of women’s sexuality. Lux took these ideas and revamped them into a more modern Tumblr essay, publishing it online in 2018 as a teenager coming to terms with her sexuality.
Lux compiled the 30-page document in just 2 days – resulting in a report listing different scenarios and traits she believes are often experienced by lesbians in denial. It aims to provide clarity for women who are unsure about their sexuality.
At 17-year-old, I had never even considered the possibility. So, I happily opened the doc and giggled over it with my friends. The first scenario listed read, “Deciding which men to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to...”
Oh, fuck.
Out by the first line. Literally.
As I continued scrolling through the painfully relatable document, I felt the shaky queer identity I had built for myself crumble around me. I laughed it off in front of the table, but after school I opened my laptop again to what felt like a mirror.
Art / Tara Griz
Well-structured Tumblr academia was not how I thought I would discover my sexuality.
The doc is broken up into subcategories of different ‘criteria’ of lesbianism. It first discusses attraction, relationships, sex, and intimacy with men. It also talks attraction to women, gender, and lesbianism. Whilst the document aims to help clarify lesbianism specifically, it also explains a key concept that is perhaps the most valuable section – compulsive heterosexuality.
The doc says, “Compulsory heterosexuality is what forces lesbians to struggle through learning the difference between what you’ve been taught you want (being with men) and what you do want (being with women)”.
Heterosexuality is an institution — a barrier to keep women in their supposed rightful place — keeping them reliant on men.
We’ve learnt it every day of our lives. It’s like breathing, we don’t even realise that we do it anymore. Society treats compulsive heterosexuality as an inevitability. There’s never once been someone that’s walked into their parents’ kitchen with bright eyes and a shaking voice to whisper: “Mum, Dad, I think I’m straight.”
Instead, you giggle over Sam H’s new haircut with the other girls in primary school, because that’s what you’re supposed to do. You stick up posters of Harry Styles on your bedroom wall in intermediate, because he’s who you’re supposed to think is hot. You agree to give your boyfriend a blowjob in high school, because that’s what’s supposed to be fun to you.
Because doing anything other than this is a breach of normalcy. So, when realising that perhaps you don’t enjoy those things like you’re supposed to, it feels wrong.
Comphet is a difficult concept to truly grasp as it’s not one that we often realise exists. But when we are made aware of it, we can realise that it’s something that all of society experiences.
Whilst aspects of the document are somewhat inaccurate or exaggerated, I can appreciate its explanation of comphet. It’s a resource and gateway into an integral feminist concept that a lot of people wouldn’t have discovered otherwise.
The document also clearly reflects the era it was created in. There is a section dedicated to navigating attraction to fictional men. Lux admits to having a crush on Shego from Kim Possible. Also, the key points summary is genuinely titled TL;DR (too long, didn’t read).
Rereading the document now, it feels like a piece of trashy fan fiction my friends and I would read together at a sleepover. It has a heavy focus on men, considering it’s a document written about women.
The document includes eight pages on attraction to men, relationships with men, and sex with men — despite being for people attracted to women.
While the document holds the name ‘masterdoc’, it’s far from an academic piece of literature. Then why is it that it’s such a treasured piece of queer culture years later?
I mean, can you really discover your sexuality just by reading a document? When I read the doc at age 17, the possibility of being purely attracted to girls was scary to me, so I shut it down. Accepting that I liked girls was okay. But accepting that I didn’t like guys was terrifying.
Regardless of sexuality, the world we live in praises men for their existence, whilst women are shamed for reminding the world of theirs.
In terms of sexuality, if you consider just how much you must defy everything you’ve ever been taught about love — it's a daunting journey. To make it through this journey, you need self-love, patience, and time. While I’d love to say that reading The Lesbian Masterdoc is an easy solution for anyone questioning their sexuality: it’s not.
It provides a compelling perspective on compulsive heterosexuality, which is an important concept for all to consider. But rather than it being a clear line to the truth, for me, it’s simply another door you can go through on the long journey of introspection.
If you’re curious about The Lesbian Masterdoc, I can recommend it as an interesting read. But don’t use it as your primary source for self-discovery. That’s what vibrators are for.