Editorial: Aftercare is part of consent too
The ‘Sex’ issue – it's always a scary and exciting challenge, looking to make something raunchy, erotic, and shocking. And the cover is usually nothing short of these adjectives. But as the annual pitch meeting rolled around, the idea for a cover focused on aftercare came up, and I was taken by surprise at first. It was a necessary reminder that sex is not just about the act itself – and neither is consent.
When someone gives you their consent, this comes with an expectation of care and respect – and this shouldn’t stop after an orgasm. Consent isn’t just about how you want to feel during sex, it’s also about how you want to feel after. There’s nothing less romantic than having wonderful sex and ending it with a turned back and phone scrolling.
‘Aftercare’ is a new term for an old idea. In the past it was just referred to as cuddling, or post-sex intimacy. But the term ‘aftercare’ has become more popular in the last decade through the kink and BDSM communities, and later consent education. During kink-based sex, erotic scenarios can be set up that play on power dynamics and push boundaries you wouldn’t in everyday life. Aftercare helps to regroup after sex, settling back into your usual dynamics. Being open about boundaries of what you like during sex versus after can help sexual play flourish.
Sex can be fun and thrilling. But it’s also just about the most vulnerable thing a person can do. It can be really emotional. Research has shown that debriefing this rollercoaster of emotions with your partner after sex can help you bond. A 2014 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, found that both male and females benefitted from post-sex affection like cuddling, caressing, kissing, spooning, or just expressing love for each other. The 3-month-long study found that the time after sex is critical for finding satisfaction with your intimate bond.
In the past, consent was solely thought about at the start of sex, with foreplay and enthusiastic consent. But if we can build up to sex with foreplay, we should build down from sex with aftercare. This deeper concept of aftercare brought about in the last decade has helped us to further cement what consent really means. When we have these conversations of what we expect after sex, the meaning of consent becomes more precise.
Orginally, the plan was to shoot a couple in bed displaying intimacy post-sex. But it just made more sense for a couple to self-shoot such an intimate moment. Photographer and model Lee found that the concept of consent in sex mirrored the photoshoot’s process. The act of taking the photos was just as important as reviewing them as a partnership afterwards.
Capturing intimacy is difficult, but a couple doing it themselves meant it could be so much more raw and real. It gave them full autonomy over what a display of aftercare and consent is to them.
And we’re lucky enough to see it on the cover of this year’s ‘Sex’ issue.
