Energy Drink Review
When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. But when life gives you four assignments, countless readings, flatting drama, and an insurmountable student loan, you take a step back from the chaos and crack open an ice-cold energy drink.
This age-old method has been helping tauira across Aotearoa find the motivation, the energy to power through a hard days mahi. And while the health effects may catch up to you later in life, no one can dispute the sheer beautiful feeling of caffeine coursing through your veins, giving you a midafternoon energy boost, or a sustained burn through the early hours of the morning. But when you approach that vending machine and are faced with a sea of energy filled options…. WHICH ONE DO YOU CHOSE.
Massive’s expert tasting panel (me and Jamie lol) bought six of the most popular energy drinks and did a blind taste test, ranking each energy drink on a scale from 1-10 in the taste and energy criteria. The results may shock you.
1st - Blue V
Although this was a blind taste test, as soon as that sweet sweet smell of Blue V hit our nostrils, we all knew we were in for a life-altering experience. Blue V is nostalgic, Blue V is fun times with your whānau, Blue V is the friend that hypes you up before going out. There isn’t a waking moment Blue V isn’t at the forefront of our minds. If you disagree with this, you are wrong.
Taste: 10/10
Energy: 10/10
2nd - Rockstar
When I was in the supermarket buying energy drinks, I was ashamed to be seen in public with Rockstar. But, to my surprise, the drink that I wouldn’t dare to touch my teenage years held a simple, yet pleasant fruity taste. Rockstar transported me to the Hawkes Bay vineyards. Its delicate flavour, matched with the subtle aroma had me questioning whether an energy drink, or a fine pinot gris was in my cup. Big ups Rockstar, I’ll never doubt you again
Taste: 8/10
Energy: 6/10
3rd - Red Bull
The smooth tasting notes of pine and oak wood, mixed with the aroma of your favourite nightclub at 2am. Red Bull is a student classic that has lasted the test of time. Red Bull is reliable. It isn’t the best tasting, it isn’t the best smelling, but boy, does it give you wings. Red bull is a no-nonsense drink that gets the job done.
Taste: 6.5/10
Energy: 8/10
4th - Monster
Similar to its trashy looking counterpart, Monster was a pleasant surprise. It felt fresh, a new exciting flavour that piqued our curiosity. But, after approximately two sips' our mouths were lined with a sugar content enough to make a diabetic faint. Monster is your loud friend. A good time at the start of the night, but soon enough a sour taste is left in your mouth. Brush your teeth kids.
Taste: 6/10
Energy: 8/10
5th - Mother
Unlike its namesake, Mother has zero paternal qualities. Mother is brutal. The iron fist of energy drinks. Mother has no time for your problems and will put you on your ass quicker than you can get any mahi done. Its taste doesn’t do much for the sophisticated palates of the world either, its tasting notes of blood, sweat and tears left us all wishing we included Musashi in this energy drink review instead.
Taste: 4/10
Energy: 9/10
6th - Live +
Possibly the biggest disappointment of the list, Live + finds itself in dead last. This was a shock. For generations Live + has found itself in Red Bull’s shadows, but little did we know it would end up behind all the other energy drinks in the field. I don’t want to bag on this drink too much as I know it holds a place in the hearts of kiwi kids. Instead, I ask you all to pour one out for Live +.
Taste: 2/10
Energy: 3/10
That concludes Massive Magazines’ LUCRATIVE energy drink review. We sincerely hope this list gives you all the knowledge to make an informed decision when you’re hunting for a burst of energy. An honourable mention to those that didn’t make our list. Especially the sugar free versions, god speed to you.