Sexcapades: Swerving is sexy

On a dark and dreary night, with fuck all to do, four friends, and four bikes in the shit hole known as Auckland had the bright idea to ride 15km into the city at 2am. We get there and simultaneously all three of my mates get punctured flat tires. We end up stuck in Auckland city at 3am trying to dip our tires in the Harbour to find where the punctures were. But that actually doesn’t matter to the story. Anyway... 

Once we’ve finally repaired the tires, we head home on somewhat working bikes now at 4am, riding up Queen Street. Me and another friend at the front of the group ride past this car that’s on the curb reversing and then going forward really strangely. Keep in mind this is Queen Street on a pretty shit night, and we have half working bikes with few lights. And yet we still manage to spot the two occupants of the vehicle engaging in some steamy car sex.  

While we look away and try to avoid the erratic car, we still get what one of my mates coined “a view not even a mother could love”. The two backed beast in the driver's seat was scarring to say the least. Far more wrinkles than we want to see. But the worst was still to come. 

As we are trying to ride up a hill, my two friends in front are in the danger zone. The car suddenly lurches backwards towards them (bear in mind the car is on the foot path half up the curb and at this point we are riding on the road). One friend is back far enough to swerve, but my other friend is knocked off his bike by a car being driven by two people engaging in a sexual vehicular tango.  

We made it home safe that night, a little scratched up and scarred both physically and mentally but safe nonetheless.