Sexcapades: Acrylic nails + Lesbians = BANNED

I met this girl in Year 10, and at the time I didn’t think much of her. And she was never in my circles. Fast forward, to when I was 16, I saw her at a party. I saw her in a new light. Looking back, I guess it was just because I knew she was gay, and I was sick of hooking up with ‘straight’ girls. We flirted for a while, but I ended up getting tempted away by a joint outside.  

A few months later, she shamelessly booty calls me right in my insta dms. I jumped on my bike because you know, duty calls. After greeting her mum and playing out the usual pre-hookup small talk, we get down to business. To my surprise, this girl pulls out a strap midway through. Now I’d dabbled in strap adjacent activities in the past but having your own strap in high school low key intimated me. 

Regardless, I suited up. It was going well, at least on my end. I felt like I was leveling up my gayness. I dramatically smacked my hand up on the wall while I was on top, trying to be hot and get some stability. As my fingers hit the wall, the acrylic nail on my pinky quickly peeled back. I’ve had fake nails come off before, but this was insanely painful. I looked up and the acrylic had taken my real pinky nail with it. The blood started as I screameddddd. I looked back down and was met with an unimpressed eyeroll. She truly didn’t gaf and even expected me to keep going!? But as I said, duty calls.  

I continued doing my thang for a while until I genuinely couldn’t ignore the pain. To her dismay, I stop, de-strap, and get dressed. On my way out her mum sees my blood covered hand and offers to bandage me up. Her lack of questioning or shock was scary to me. Has this happened before? I shamefully moped out and got on my bike.  

I learnt my lesson about long acrylics and lesbian sex.