Sexcapades: Don’t date a musician. Just date the band.

It’s hard to resist falling for a musician. I would know. This happened maybe too recently to put in print, but these guys are way too cool to read Massive [Editor’s note: ouch], so the odds of them seeing this are pretty low.  

I met this guy who was a fairly good drummer, which was obviously hot to me. His actual look wasn’t that attractive tbh, but his skill gave him brownie points. Anyway, after a few dates, I went to a gig of his and met the rest of the band.  

That’s when I realised all his bandmates were way hotter than him. Two boys, three girls, all hotter than him :( 

I could have been disappointed. I could have admitted defeat. But no.  

A week down the track, we all went to a party together. After a few drinks, orgy ‘jokes’ started to come out from all sides. Giggles and flirty thigh grabs began, arms around my shoulders for a little too long. The guy I was actually seeing didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he seemed into it.  

They all lived together, so we ended up Ubering back to their flat to ‘just chill’. We chilled in my guy’s bedroom for about two minutes before it began. One of the girls kissed me, and then another, and then everyone was making out! I’d never seen anything like it.  

Here came the great orgy. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel pleasure like that again. And actually, quite wholesomely, we all fell asleep together in the bed (although it was quite a squeeze).  

Sadly, the next morning was awkward as hell, and none of the bandmates would look each other in the eyes. Me, just being the fun outsider, was happy as. But I fear they now had a lot of band complexities to work through. Hopefully it makes their music better!  

Thank you [Redacted band], you’re now my favourite scenario to masturbate to.