Ramming w/ Fergus: Sugar Daddies
Q. Fergus, I keep getting sugar daddies up in my Insta DMs. Should I respond? Should I accept the cash?
A. I'll be your sugar daddy... Jk I have no money. I'm just a ram.
However, I have mad respect for all sugar daddies. They are the epitome of what it means to be a man. My wallet is only full of hay and condoms — in fact I don't even have a wallet. But if I had any money, I'd be using it to give lavish gifts to all the women in my bed.
The closest I got to being a sugar daddy was when I laid my claims on a particularly nice spot of hay. I was raking in the ewes – letting them eat my hay, licking their hooves, bleating at them all seductive-like. Best week of my life.
I dream that one day, I can be a real-life silver fox sugar daddy. But considering I have white wool and (once again) I’m a ram, it might be a bit out of reach. Still, a ram can dream.
But while I might look up to these sugar daddies in your DMs, there's a few things for you to consider before deciding if you'd like to accept.
Can you tolerate an older man?
Can you tolerate a man?
Can you tolerate dating someone the same age as your dad?
If your answer is yes to all three then maybe you should think about accepting one of those fellas into your life. However, avoid anyone with the same name as your dad, uncle, or grandad.
Trust me, it gets real awkward when you begin moaning your great gran Mildred’s name when you’re ramming.