Sexcapades: Three seconds, one Ukranian, no huzz

Two years ago I went on a bit of a Tinder hoe phase after getting out of a long term relationship. I met this guy, he was good looking and nice enough. We both knew what it was and made an effort to get to know each other's sexual interests. We literally played question games to get to know each other's turn ons and kinks. We had made plans to hookup a few times but something always came up. Then finally, we made the plan. 
 
After talking about expectations he told me it had been a while so he might finish fast. Which was fine cause I can’t cum from sex anyway (pray4me). He said he was keen to go a few rounds to make up for it and we could watch a movie and cuddle etc. I told him what he could do to make me cum and it was A PLAN. He came over, we got in my bed, started watching a movie, and I nuzzled up into his arms. For a sec I missed my ex.  

I wanted to make conversation so I asked him about how long he had been in NZ for. His profile had said he was a Ukrainian refugee, but he had a full kiwi accent so I was confused. He said he moved here as a baby. Confused, I brought up the refugee thing and he laughed and said, “Oh haha nah I just say that to get sympathy pussy”...... I said okay cause wtf does one say to that. 
 
Anyway we start kissing and he aggressively squeezes my boobs like he was expecting it to squirt beer. I said ow and he went all dom daddy and flipped me onto my stomach. Ripped my pants off and kissed up my thighs and cheeks. Then out of NOWHERE. He starts vigorously fingering me, scratching both the in and outside of my vagina. Then about a minute later he puts it in me. I will admit for the three seconds it was in it wasn't bad. Then he finished, which I was expecting anyway. I waddled to get a towel to fish his fake refugee babies outta me, expecting it to be my turn. He gets up and said, “Alright, I'm gonna head off.” 

Confused I said, “What happened to a few rounds?”  

He said, “Yeaaaah just not really feeling it.” At this point I'm already thinking about grabbing my vibrator the second he leaves. He left. He was at my house for just under 20 minutes…. Dazed, pissed, confused and with a sore boob and scratched vagina I immediately texted him saying “That was the worst sex of my life, never waste a woman's time like that again.”  

This man said, “Yeaaah not my finest moment but it is what it is. NO SHAME AT ALL.  

And the punchline? HIS NAME IS VLADAMIR.