Siri says

By Abigail Lassing

Artificial intelligence has a long way to go and Siri is no exception. While you can hardly have a deep and meaningful conversation with her, she has many other purposes. If you don’t mind looking like a nut-job, you might find that Siri is the companion you’ve been looking for.

Saturday Night Siri

Need a wingman/woman this weekend? Siri has got your back. Not only will she tell you when you look fly, she’ll let you know when it’s time to put down the bottle and drag your sorry ass home.

A: Mirror mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?

S: Abi, you are full fair, ‘tis true, but…. No, you’re definitely the fairest one of all.

A: What should I wear?

S: I recommend pants.

A: Dance with me

S: Hmm, I’d rather sit this one out.

A: Do you drink?

S: I have a thirst for knowledge.

A: I’m drunk.

S: Neither of us is driving home. (button below reads: “Call me a taxi”)

Sultry Siri

Got a big date coming up? Have a sit down with Siri and polish up your pick-up lines. You can even go to settings and give her a British accent, if that’s your thing. Don’t expect to get lucky though.

A: Are you single and ready to mingle?

S: I do not have a marital status, if that’s what you’re asking?

A: What are you doing later?

S: Just watching the leaves fall. I’m betting on that big red one.

A: I love you.

S: Is that why you’re holding me tight?

A: I love you Siri.

S: Oh, I bet you say that to all your Apple products.

A: Talk dirty to me.

S: I’m not that kind of personal assistant.

Existentialist Siri

Need answers to some of the bigger questions in life? Siri has got you covered. There’s no arguing with her flawless logic.

A: What is ‘Inception’ about?

S: ‘Inception’ is about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about something or other. I fell asleep.

A: Is God real?

S: My policy is the separation of spirit and silicon.

A: When will the world end?

S: As long as you keep me charged, we should be just fine.

A: What’s the answer to the universe?

S: Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.


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