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Modern Miss Lonelyhearts

Join Massive’s own agony aunt as she dissects the peaks and pitfalls of dating in a millennial world.

How to find a ‘good guy’

Let’s give this a shot, yeah? It’s not like this is an age-old question. Should be easy enough to figure out in the space of a few hundred words.

So. I’ve been asked this question a lot. I’ve certainly thought about it a lot, too. This is what I’ve come up with.

It’s not really a question of ‘where’ to find a nice guy. Chances are, they hang around in the same places as you, along with all the other types of guys. After all, you and this person are mostly likely going to share the similar or at least similar interests – where it be in the clubs, or otherwise.

… Okay, probably not in the clubs.

But seriously – this is what I have for you. Finding a ‘good guy’ or a ‘nice guy’ is completely dependent upon your own understanding of what exactly you want and deserve. That, combined with the knowledge that you’re not going to settle for anything less. Now obviously, that’s easier said than done – as are a lot of things that are great, and simple, in theory. I mean – how do you make chocolate? I wouldn’t have a clue.

The idea of a ‘good guy’ is relative to begin with. In order to understand what hot is, you need to understand what cold is. So in order to understand what good is, you need to understand what bad is. Which usually means, you’re either going to date a ‘bad guy’, or have a brother, a guy friend, or perhaps a dad who’s a ‘bad guy’. From that experience, we gain the fundamental understanding of what an asshole sounds and acts like.

When it comes down to it, if you know how you should be treated because of past experiences, then you will be treated that way, simply because you’ll refuse to be treated that way.
As you enter new relationships, you’ll start to see those little alarming red flags crop up from time to time and you’ll say to yourself: “Oh – this isn’t what I deserve. I’m moon-walkin’ right outta here”.

You could even do exactly that – make an entire Michael Jackson-esque scene of it – I promise you, that’ll speed up the process.

Bottom line – don’t tolerate, compromise or accept any less than you deserve. Ever. It isn’t your job to fix someone up. It’s not your job to show someone how to be a better person. That’s their job, as a human being. If they’re not already making a continuous effort to properly play their part in the relationship, then they’re not ready for one.

We all deserve to be treated well: be it through comfort, validation, support or what have you.

As hard as it may be to see sometimes, there is someone out there who wants to do that. Try to find that person, rather than glimpses of that person in somebody lesser.

No one wants to date the ‘bad guy’. So please, don’t let yourself be the one to date the ‘bad guy’. You’re better than that.

Believe me, I realise this is very difficult and nothing I write is going to change that. But I wish you the very best of luck – from a gal who has been there, done that.

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