Picture yourself, sitting in a small boat under the bright stars on beautiful Lake Taupo. Amidst the occasional jerk on the fishing line, and the gentle sloshing of water, you catch a whiff of good ole’ BP Regular 91 coming from the vague direction of the outboard motor. Anyone in their right mind would ideally find some sort of light-emitting device to provide some lumens to find the perpetrator.
Now, there’s a catch to this story. Not long ago, a certain human, who hails from the land of the Sickle and Hammer was stuck in this precarious predicament. This man, who goes by the name of Vlad, attempted to isolate the cause of his nostalgic nasal enigma. And as luck would have it, the only source of lumens available to Vlad was a pair of matches sitting in his frocket (front pocket). You may have already pieced together this puzzle, but poor Vlad decided to strike the match. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, there was quite a bright orange flame seen on Lake Taupo that night. Luckily, Vlad managed to get to shore rather quickly and extinguish the fire.
The reason I bring this story up, is because it is exactly the kind of thing that many of us would do. It is one of those scenarios where you just do something without thinking of the possible implications. Kind of like the old classic, where you buy a movie ticket from the cashier at the cinema, and they say, “enjoy your movie,” and you respond with, “you too!” You know full well that the cashier isn’t going to jump over the desk and join you for a good motion picture. In hindsight, its these situations where I would rather shit on my hands and clap. Nonetheless, a good round of faecal applause won’t solve any problems.
At the time of occurrence, these events are not ideal. However, in hindsight, they make for some good laughs. I’ve been told that pouring bleach in your eyeballs tends to cure the cringe. However, this could have undesirable effects, and I’m not sure that Janola is a recommended eye-drop.
TL;DR: Don’t carry matches in your leaky Russian boat, and definitely do not console yourself by applying faecal-matter/bleach to bodily parts.
Until Next Time,
Not Your Average Ponderer