The Unlonely Woman

The Unlonely Woman

Now to start off, I’m not a sex education teacher; I have absolutely no education in the sex industry whatsoever. However, I have gotten my fair share of STI checks. Because we gotta be safe. If in doubt, get it checked out. Like, here’s the thing - I know so many people who have never been checked but they have had multiple sex partners. The only time I will have unprotected sex with a dude is if I’m in a relationship with them, and I make them get checked. I don’t have the time to have a burning vagina when I piss or have pus coming out of my ass. Like, I’m a busy lass and having an STI is the last thing I want to dedicate my time to.

I feel like people are becoming more and more open with discussing STIs and if they have had them. I mean fuck, two guys I’ve been on dates with this year told me on the first date they have had chlamydia. Back in the day people would judge you so much for having an STI. Times have changed, which is amazing, but in saying that people still don’t get tested. Like sis and sir - get fucking tested. There’s really fuck all effort in getting checked, yet we neglect it. So, I thought ya know what? Let’s find out how popular STIs really are in today’s society.

So, what are the most popular STIs in New Zealand? Firstly, you have Chlamydia. What are the symptoms? Quite often there actually aren’t any, however you may get pain during sex, peeing or unusual discharge. It’s completely treatable. However, if you get it more than once or it goes unchecked for some time, it can potentially damage your chances of getting pregnant in the future.

Next, we have Genital Herpes (also known as HPV). Now, 1 in 3 adults in NZ have genital herpes. It’s extremely popular but completely manageable. It’s incurable buuuuut in saying that you can lessen your chances of getting them from someone or spreading them. As we know I had a wee scare this year - but it ends up I just tore my fanny, so false alarm. Buuut in saying that, I learnt a lot about them. What are the symptoms? Well sometimes you don’t ever have an outbreak. However, when you do it can be extremely painful. You basically get blisters or cold sores. What’s the trick to not spreading them? Well go to your doctor or local nurse and they can give you a step by step on how to be safe. If you have genital herpes, do not have sex or let someone perform oral on you. Do you have a cold sore? Do not kiss or perform oral. Once it’s cleared, lick and suck however many dicks and fanny’s ya want. BUT, wait for it to clear.

Next is my favorite of them all, purely because the symptoms are something else. Gonorrhea. What is it? To put it lightly, it’s basically a bacterial infection you can catch through oral, anal or vaginal sex. You don’t even need to have penetration to catch it. What are the symptoms? Watery, yellow or green discharge from the penis or vagina, pain and burning whilst peeing, inflammation or swelling of the foreskin, pain or tenderness in the testicles, anal discharge, itching, bleeding, or pain when you take a shit, eye discharge, bleeding during sex aaaaaand a whole lot of other shit.

So, what do I do to protect myself? Well, every time I have a new sexual partner I will go and get checked just to be on the safe side even when they use a condom. Because believe it or not people can carry chlamydia in their throat so if they perform oral on ya, you could still catch it. I mean, shit, you all know how much I like to get my pussy ate so ya sis gotta be careful. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not all innocent. I could get guys to use a dental dam (look it up) but I don’t because, well, I’m a fuckhead. I’m really my own worst enemy.