Let’s talk about how I will instantly call it off with a guy who is sexist, racist or homophobic. This includes jokes. You may think joking about race is ‘funny’ but hunny you’re casually racist. Or my personal favorite is when they start a sentence off with “I’m not racist but….”. The fact that you start a sentence like that means you are in fact racist. If a guy makes a joke about sexual assault you’re in fact cut. Find sexism funny? CUT. Wanna make a racist joke about Indians? CUT. Wanna make a homophobic slur or joke? CUT. Because by saying fucked up jokes about this shit is actually making racism, sexism, homophobia more acceptable. I get it, you think you’re funny, but like bruv there’s other shit you can say and be funny. Like you think it’s a joke. But you’ll say a joke in front of the wrong person and it’ll do so much damage.
So, let’s talk about someone I had a date with this year. I had matched with them on Tinder over a year ago and we just kept in contact. We finally caught up for coffee/brunch. For the sake of this story let’s call him Audi and keep in mind that he is white. So, Audi picked me up and we go to park and someone grabbed the spot we were going to park in. Now y’know, most people would just carry on driving and find another park. But Audi? Oh no. Audi, without any hesitation. yelled “fucking n*****!” Look I know this is written but it even feels horrible to write the word, purely because absolutely nobody should use the N-word, ever. Like there’s no excuses.
So that was strike one. Normally, I would just turn around and leave and never message him again but as I mentioned before he picked me up (fair to say I regretted that decision instantly). So, we are sitting down eating our brunch and y’know it’s going okay. Next thing he shows me a photo of him and his mates and points to his one Maori friend in and says, “That’s our pet niglet.”
No, I’m not fucking with you this shit’s for real. So, I’ve never heard that word EVER so I’m like, “What’s a niglet? Like I’ve never heard that word before.”
This, my friends, was it for me.
He looks me dead in the eye and says, “our pet n*****.”
What did I do? I looked him dead in the eye and said, “Nah Audi, you can’t say that shit. Like that’s not okay man. Okay let’s go, brunch is over now, like you cannot call people that.”
I got up and walked away. Do you know what the worst thing is? I still kick myself that I didn’t stop him the first time. A family member said to me once that by not saying something and sticking up for what’s right, you are in fact part of the problem.
I’m white, but just because people aren’t racist towards me doesn’t mean it’s not my problem. I will continue to call out racist fuckers like him and many others. This is not the first guy I’ve come across who said the N-word. I’ve called them out and I will continue to do so. It just comes down to people educating themselves about how the word was used originally - and just not being a bigot.