Shower Thoughts

The dynamics of dodgy dollar bread

Many students live on a staple diet of pasta and other cheap nosh. I’m no different. Any sustenance that is reasonably cheap will find its way into my shopping trolley. However, there is one type of cheap grub I’ve always wanted to try. I’ve heard fables of this seemingly majestic dollar bread, however I had never laid my hands upon it.

I’m very partial to a good peanut-butter sandwich. Especially if the bread is of the girthy variety. Recently, due to the painful grunts coming from my suffering bank account, I thought I might invest in some dollar bread. Many fellow classmates have suggested that there is nothing more cost-efficient than a cheap loaf of carbohydrates. As such, I commenced the migration to Pak’n Slave and obtained some dollar bread of the ‘sandwich’ variety.

I decided to test this dollar bread by lathering on some chunky peanut butter. The lathering commenced and holy moly, what a cock-up. The biggest disaster since Dunkirk. The slice of bread was absolutely butchered. Even a bit of lube from the old butter stick wasn’t enough to salvage the integrity of the bread. I was ready to pop a squat, shit on my hands and clap. A good round of faecal applause would definitely be warranted in this situation. This really ripped my knitting. Consequently, my opinion on dodgy dollar bread was slightly soured.

However, I’m not one to be deterred. After a lengthy chat with my fellow ponderers, I was ready to try again. More out of spite than anything else, I once-again gifted my presence amongst the bread section of Pak’n Slave and made another purchase of dollar bread. This time I obtained dollar bread of the ‘toast’ variety. Upon return, I began the lathering process. Sweet Guinea pig of Winnipeg, what a moving experience. The majestic bread remained intact, just brilliant. My faith has been restored.

As I’ve now learnt, there is a difference between the ‘toast’ and ‘sandwich’ breads. The ‘sandwich’ variety tends to be cut thinner to fit more slices into the pack. Whereas the ‘toast’ variety has a bit more girth. Who would’ve thought? Herein lies the difference between good dollar bread and dodgy dollar bread.

My advice to future dollar bread investors. Make sure you do your research; dodgy dollar bread is never ideal. Also, as a side note: The lathering of peanut butter within the nether region is generally frowned-upon, especially in the presence of Canines. But, as they say: whatever maintains the buoyancy of your watercraft (floats your boat).

Until Next Time,

Todd

Not Your Average Ponderer