Horoscoping You Out - Issue 12

Horoscoping You Out – Summer Edition

Libra season is upon us! And so is the end of the semester so keep reading to find out how the signs will be spending the summer xoxo

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 19): You will spend the entire summer searching the greater Wellington region for any signs of paranormal or extra-terrestrial activity and perfecting your tinfoil hat making skills.

Pisces (Feb 20 - Mar 20):  Summer for a Pisces will involve volunteering with refugees, running school holiday programs and making macrame to sell to fundraise for the SPCA.

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 20): You’re going to fail all your exams and land yourself in summer school, where you will be imprisoned for the whole the break while everyone else is at the beach doing aesthetically pleasing sunshine related activities. Study next year you noob.

Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21): After accidentally creating the perfect scoby during a bender one weekend, you’re going to start your own small kombucha business and deliver your delicious fermented beverages via carrier pigeon – so niche.

Gemini (May 22 - Jun 21): You’re going to have a busy break hanging out with your 3000 friends. You’d better start making the roster now. Don’t forget to schedule breaks so that you finish your application for Heartbreak Island and respond to your 10,000 Tinder matches.

Cancer (Jun 22 - July 23): You’ll spend your summer crying in your room, playing sad songs to make you feel even sadder and then watching sad movies when you feel your sadness quota running out. Nobody cries like a Cancer. Summer loving, had me a blast…

Leo (Jul 24 - Aug 23): The video you forced your flatmate to film of you singing God Is A Woman is going to go viral and you’ll find your summer full of interviews, guest appearances and finally a live performance on the Ellen Show. Leo always finds the spotlight.

Virgo (Aug 24 - Sep 23): Your down time this summer will be spent meticulously organising everything in your house by size, colour and alphabetical order, including your flatmates.

Libra (Sep 24 - Oct 23): You are going to go out partying after your last exam and wake up again in February.

Scorpio (Oct 24 - Nov 23): You’ll be spending this summer the same way you do every year – plotting your revenge on that teacher from primary school that made you sit out of bull rush because you didn’t finish your haiku for English. Maybe this will be the year you finally collect enough hair for that voodoo doll.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22): You are finally going on that Iowaska retreat you’ve been saving for all year. In between voms and chanting sessions you’re going to realise what you want to do with your life and drop out of uni to travel the world as a stick and poke tattoo artist.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 20): Practical Capricorns will spend their summer saving money, eating a healthy balanced diet, watching TED talks and waiting for uni to start again so that they can beat their GPA from last year.