Good Cop, Bad Cop

Good Cop, Bad Cop – Issue 3

Why hello, I am in quite a predicament, I have recently joined a local church and my soul has been realigned with the higher ups. I no longer drink, smoke or gamble. Now here’s the thing. My naughty nana is coming up for a bit of a visit, and yeah, I am very concerned. She is such a bad influence on me, she SMS messaged me the other day saying, “you better take me to the fuckin pokies while I’m up and suss me some ice.” I don’t think my new self is prepared to see my nana, but I still want her in my life. What should I do?

Ok, well this is quite concerning. On one hand you don’t want to mess up your new positive lifestyle but on the other hand you don’t want to distance yourself from your nana. My advice would be to sit down with her and tell you about how you are feeling about all of this, let her know about how you have changed. I’m sure she will understand and will keep her controversial lifestyle away from you. GC

Hey there, I went to the orchestra last night with my mate who is an orphan with malaria. Whilst there my mate tripped over a saxophone and broke his leg. When the ambulance rocked up, they decided to not treat him and told us both to get fucked. Now my malaria mate has a broken leg. I did a first aid course years back but can’t remember fuck all from it. What should I do to help him out?

Ditch him. He sounds like he’s pretty fucked to be honest. You could just send him down to us at the station and say he’s on bath salts and we can lock him up. I mean it would be better him being here than at a hospital taking away a space from someone who deserves to be there. No one likes waiting around a hospital, especially if someone with malaria is in there before you. Once you drop him off with us, go to burger king or some other shit and have a feed to make you forget about your mate, as we will keep him in here a long time. BC