Ditch the bottle and have fun sober

Written and Illustrated by Phoebe Holden

Me: What do you think would be better to do on a Saturday night rather than get drunk and go out?

William (age 12): Well I dunno…. Isn’t drinking alcohol what you’re supposed to do on a Saturday?

It’s no secret the New Zealand drinking culture is out of control, whether it’s a 21-year-old guy on one knee downing a yardie, a 15-year-old girl stumbling around with a cruiser or a group of freshers from Dunedin taking turns vomiting in one another’s mouths, we certainly can drink.

Each year it seems the age of kids throwing parties gets younger and younger, no longer is partying something that begins at University. Like ‘the good old days’ drinking is like doing an after school activity

“You going to Ryan’s this weekend?”

“Yeah are you?”

“Yeah, what you drinking?”

“I dunno, diesels prob”

“Cool, same”


As the millennials that are supposed to be – ending global warming, destroying Trump and fighting for equal rights – I feel like we could be doing something a little more productive than downing a goon before noon, in case you weren’t aware that it is in fact OK to not be drunk on a Saturday – here’s a list of possible alternatives, just to make that wild proposal even easier.

  1. Go out DUN DUN DUN sober……lets ease you into this to start – if going out is the undying love of your life, have a go at doing it alcohol free! That cringe saying our parents are constantly breathing down our necks is in fact true (just don’t tell them that) you DON’T need alcohol to have fun. Boof a Poweraid and hit the dance floor, have all the benefits of a night out without the hangover.
  2. Netflix and chill hit the dairy and leave with as many snacks as your hands (and bank account) allow, park up on the couch and catch up on all those episodes you haven’t had time to watch because of class, but watched them anyway, but didn’t actually because your “I can multi task” claim was (as you know) bullshit.
  3. Treat yo self – use all that money that’s aside for a box and splash out on a dinner that isn’t noodle canteen.
  4. Shred for RNV, go for a run or hit the gym, think about that summer bod and all the calories you’ll save with a sober weekend – Kayla Itsinesfbskj (or whatever the hell her name is) would be proud.
  5. Swipe right download Tinder (you and I both know its already on your home screen) and go on a blind date, score a good dinner and meet someone new, even if it goes horribly wrong at least you can drink to “never have I ever been on a Tinder date” next weekend.

There’s a little inspiration for alternative ways to spend a Saturday night that don’t result in a loss of hydration and dignity, make the most of your tertiary years but try to remember it’s OK to chill too. Peer pressure sucks and hangovers are even worse, drink responsibly and look after your mates.

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.