Ah summer break. How amazing it is waking up and not having to race off to class grabbing whatever is closest to us that is edible, whether it be last night’s maccas fries or the sandwich that’s been in your bag for a few days. My rule is if it doesn’t stink then eat. I use this same terminology with sucking dick. If it doesn’t stink and it’s clean, then you’re good. Everyone gets so bloody PC whenever sucking dick is mentioned. I mean come on most of us do it, hell I know I’m good at it as I’ve had those compliment’s flowing. I’m sorry but it’s fucking oral. It’s like people expect me to be like oh yuck dick, no thanks. I’m sorry but what? But look, I’ll be honest there’s one thing that I hate about sucking dick, like it honestly grinds my gears. What is it you may ask? Honestly just getting cum anywhere on my face or hair. I know, I know sometimes things happen and there’s an explosion that somehow misses my mouth which is fine. But girl when someone does it on purpose imma cut a bitch.
I warn guys I’m not an on the face g. Like I give them a clear warning and for some reason some people want to test me. I take a lot of pride in my skincare routine and I don’t need none of your cum messing that shit up. All this talk about cum on my face takes me back to the bad old days where I had no standards. I was sucking this dude off who I thought wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Which let’s be honest when we start dating someone we start thinking about the rest of our life with them. I started imagining moving to Hamilton to be with him. Fuck sakes Hamilton? Wtf. Anyway, I’m sucking his dick next thing you know I stop to give my jaw a wee rest. Next thing you know this dude lets the load go. Where did it go you may be thinking? My motherfucking face and hair… I was like are you fucking with me boy? Like come on? This was my first ever experience with cum on my face.
Now here’s the thing I have this rule where you can cum anywhere you want apart from the vag. I ain’t up for getting pregnant anytime soon. If you wanna cum on my stomach go hard. Boobs? Go hard. Hell, even my ass, we all good. Go for gold. But not the fucking face. Anyway, fast forward to this broke ass boy let’s call him Richard (side not he’s in this issue's feature). He came over one morning and we slept for a few hours. Then we chatted about “us”. Turns out he had another “us” as well. Anyway, I got in the mood. Next thing ya know this dude puts his dick on my cheek. Like he literally just slapped it on my face like it was a fish. It was just there looking at me like a worm coming out of a hole. Fair to say I didn’t suck no dick after that. He knew not to fuck with my face but he still went there. Funny thing is I found out another lady had his dick in her mouth the night before. So safe to say I was glad as fuck I didn’t suck it. On this note why the hell is it called a blow job? There ain’t no blowing. I’m sorry to break this to anyone who hasn’t sucked dick yet. But do not blow it’s all about the suck.
So, my conclusion? Well this shit is simple as fuck. If someone tells you not to do something in sex. Don’t fucking do it. Everyone has their rules and they should be respected. If you don’t wanna give me head, I’m not gonna sit on your face as a joke. Honestly just respect your sexual partner, plain and simple.