August 13, 2018
Issue 9 2018
The Unlonely Woman

The Unlonely Woman - Issue 09

Let’s talk holes yea? No, I don’t mean the movie but on that note Shia LeBeouf honestly I will always have a wet spot for him. But let’s not get sidetracked. Let’s talk anal. In all honesty I feel like this column is the most intimate one for me to write. Because well I’ve never written about it. Yes, I’ve talked about a finger in the butt and how that’s just like a suction plug in its self. But add a dick in there literally and it’s a whole other ball game. I mean for one a dick tends to in most cases be bigger than a finger. But here’s the thing I’ve noticed. Anal sex has become a whole lot more popular in the last few years. Honestly every British dude I’ve dated always wants to have anal as well. It’s like what? So, turns out it’s pretty big over there as I’ve found out. But it makes me wonder is anal sex the new type of sex? If so what’s it’s like and what do we need to know. So of course, like any of these columns I will share my own experience because well I am not bout that making up shit. I will say I am glad that this is anonymous because dang would I get a lot a weird looks at uni.

So, let’s set the scene. Well I was seeing this guy let’s just call him Twick for the sake of this story. I was seeing Twick and I was staying at his house one night. Now I am going to be completely real with you guys the red river was flowing I mean it was shark week and that shit was heavy. Twick always went on about anal and I always said no. Because I had never done it. But I’ll tell you this I was hella horny that night. I’m not going to lie. So, I said yes. Twick had done it a few times in the past so he knew what he was doing. He was no amateur that was about to smash it in dry. Because do not ever fucking do that. You will hurt yourself and he will hurt himself. So, he layered up that lube like any good boy would. He eased his way in and that was it. Now that shit was tight. I mean my vagina is tight because well Kegels boo. But damn this was a whole other level. After a while you loosen up and get used to it. Before we knew it Twick was done. But I wasn’t because well, I can’t get off from just sex. It’s all about oral for me. Now like I said this boy knew what he was doing. He pulled out very slowly because well suction plug. I ran to the toilet and there is no other way to put this, but I shat out cum. I actually can’t sugar coat this column. I have to be real with you. This dude didn’t even have a cum towel which all well prepared men will have…men take note. If in doubt cum towel it out.

Now after this happened I told my friends (like you do). But here’s the thing one of these friends then told other people who told other people and so on. Next thing you know there was a rumor going around that I only liked anal. Now this didn’t go around for a month. This went around for years.  On top of that I could not shit for days. I go to the toilet like clockwork, so my bum did not like it one bit. Honestly even now I hate anal. It’s just not for me. I didn’t enjoy it and it did not turn me on.

Now I have been asked to do anal since this and I’ve always said no. Would I have it again in the future? I would but on certain terms, for example if I had a partner and he wanted to try it. But I would not have anal with some dude that I was just dating. I mean I even hate a finger in my ass let alone a dick.

So, my conclusion you may ask? Well lube that fucking shit up. Only do what you are comfortable with. Never let anyone pressure you into something you don’t feel comfortable with. Men now for you. Don’t just ram that shit in there and do not go in dry boo. And that pull out hun? Slowly but surely is key and have a fucking cum towel no one wants to clean up shit and cum on the floor as ya sis or sir is running to the toilet. 

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