May 27, 2019
Issue 06 2019
The Unlonely Woman

The Unlonely Woman

So, after many requests for this column I finally thought fuck it, let’s do this… Can you fall for your lecturer? In short, it’s a big fat no. I mean it’s legal, but it’s against uni rules. Like a student cannot have a relationship with a lecturer. However, after they stop working at the uni you can. So, I have a chance, right? Where the fuck is The Unlonely Woman going with this? Well, I have a crush on a lecturer.

I’ve been at uni for 2 years now, so I’m not going to say what semester this was or who the lecturer was but for the sake of this column let’s call him ‘Mr Dreamy’. How did it start? Well, I walked into my first lecturer for that class and ya sis was gobsmacked. For a second, I thought I was in the wrong class, because how the fuck can this happen? Like, the way the projector light reflected of his face made him look like one of God’s angels welcoming me into heaven’s gates. Which says a lot, because this sis ain’t even religious. But for a split fucking second I actually thought, “Is god real?”

Like is this really fucking happening? Am I going to be blessed with this fine specimen for 12 weeks? The answer was yes. I went to every class even if I was late because I’ll be damned if I don’t see that man at least once a week. Like, he was the whole package. Intelligent, funny and fine as hell.

Every single class I would just look at him and think mmmmk he’s only like 10 years older, this could work. We could date. But here’s the thing - students cannot date lecturers, so that got rid of any fucking chance I had. I mean, for all I know he could have been head over heels for me but nothing could ever happen because I ain’t about to drop out of uni or get him fired. But what about casual sex? Can you have sex with a lecturer and that be fine? Like what’s the code there? Because if that’s not a rule yet sign me the fuck up.  

However, let’s be honest; What do you do when you start falling for someone you actually should not fall for? Get rid of any romantic thoughts in your head. Start calling him mate or buddy so you start putting yourself off them. It’s like flatmates. We have a rule in the flat which is ‘don’t screw the crew’. However, my version is, ‘don’t screw the crew unless they want to screw’. No, I haven’t had sex with my flatties purely because they feel like my younger siblings. But you get my point. One day you will start catching feelings for someone you actually cannot catch them for. It will suck absolute shit. If someone was like, “If you drink your own piss you can date Mr Dreamy,” I’d probably do it.

Still to this day, the moment someone mentions his name I will look at them and say “guuurl you lucky”. I have never crushed on a teacher before. All of my male teachers in college were 60 and just daddy material. No actual eligible bachelors. For the record, I’m not the only one who had/has a crush on Mr Dreamy. Most people who I’ve spoken to about him agree with me.

What’s the conclusion from this? There really isn’t one. Just don’t date or fuck your lecturer - because code of conduct, sis and sir.