June 3, 2019
Massive Issue 01 2019
The Unlonely Woman

The Unlonely Woman

Well, well, well here we are again sis and sir. This sis got renewed for another year of The Unlonely Woman. For all my newbies who are wondering who the fuck The Unlonely Woman is. Well, I’m just a 25-year-old woman who got cheated on by her dickhead ex-boyfriend, which then gave her that final push to love herself. I write about anything from anal, orgasm equality to just plain old being happily single. So where does this sis start for the new year? Well I thought I would start of a bit soft instead of going straight into pegging (fucking a guy with a strap on).

So let’s go soft, yea? Let’s talk cumming. In this case I mean the man cumming. Specifically, their cum face. Now don’t get me wrong, most of the guys I’ve fucked have had the usual, “I’m about to cum, I’m about to cum, I cummed.”

Then they have a sigh of relief and then I’m there like, ya good? Mainly because this sis has never orgasmed in sex so I’m kind of just there along for the ride. I do the subtle moan if I’m enjoying it unless you’re my dial-a-dick, then I will moan loudly because they have dick dick. What is dick dick? That column’s to cum ;).

I remember the days where I used to fake my orgasms (haven’t in over a year) and I was having sex with this guy and he thought pushing my head down as he fucked me would make his dick go further… hint, it doesn’t. Anyway, I was moaning away and he was like why are you making that sound? I stopped, but I realized no woman had fake moaned when he fucked them mainly because, well, there was nothing to moan about.

Anyway, this sis is getting side tracked. Now as much as I want to name this boy, I am anonymous so I ain’t about to break that. But let’s just call this guy Cheese Toasty. Now Cheese Toasty and I had gone on about 4 dates but I realized that he was not the man for me (there’s a reason). Anyway, Cheese Toasty and I had fucked on the first date like it just felt right. So, well we did. Anyway, he made me orgasm then we fucked and it was great ya know. Had me proper moist. But all of a sudden near the end I had what seemed like a bloody seal fucking me. I got the usual, “I’m gonna cum, I’m bout to cum.” I was like, “do it.”

Next thing ya know he starts shaking and like screaming, ‘ow,’ …I’m sorry but what.
At this stage I was like Jesus fuck is this dude in pain? Like my vagina’s tight but not that bloody tight. Like, ya good? He kept yelling, ‘Ow, ow, ow, ow.’  
Was just like what the actual fuck is going on. It was literally like I was fucking a seal that was having a seizure. He kept going and going and I was just like,
“Are you ok?”

Next thing you know he does this shudder and just lets out one last, “OW.”

I was like, “Are you ok.”

He was like, “YES, I WAS CUMMING.”

Yo, I’m sorry but what??? I was like, “Oh shit…sorry.”

I got home that day and told all my flatmates of course and one of them has a video of me reenacting the whooole thing. Even the guys I live with were like what the actual fuck.

Anyway, I fucked him on the second date but this sis was prepared. I knew what was cumming. I was prepared. So, second time’s here and this sis was rubbing his back saying, “It’s ok.”

Like I was rubbing his back because my motherly instincts came into play (I have no kids). But I was rubbing that back like, “It’s ok, you can cum.”

Fair to say he cummed. But yo that shit was weird for me. Like I can understand the yelling but never in my life have I had a human seal fuck me. I still laugh as I write this because what the actual fuck. Like best I can explain it is a seal’s mating call.

Conclusion? Honestly there really ain’t one… However, just like how all dicks and vaginas are different so are people’s moans. Was his cum face the reason I stopped seeing him? Nah, not at all. Was actually something bad. But I guess what I want you all to take from this is. Comfort the human seal, make him realise that it’s ok to sound fucking weird as he fucks you. But sis make sure he makes you orgasm first because there’s no way on earth I could orgasm after hearing those sounds.