October 8, 2018
Issue 12 2018
On the Line

Supporter profiles

Supporter Profiles

For the last issue of Massive of the year I thought we’d do something a little different. Rather than talk about sports controversies, let’s look at the different breeds of sport supporters. Whether you’re known to pull a Serena Williams (ooh too soon) or you’re a suffer in silence type, being a supporter is no easy feat. Which one are you?

The Proud Dad

This sports supporter will always be front row at a live game giving love to all the players. They’re a die hard win or lose fan that always shows up in team colours. Probably suffering from an injury they really just wish it was them on the field. The Proud Dad will sing hand on heart every national anthem, and never misses a game. If The Proud Dad has any connection with a player, for example “Beauden Barette and I shop at the same grocery store” you won’t hear the end of it.

Strengths: Loyal. Good sporting companion.

Weakness: A little overbearing.

Verdict: These supporters have achieved sport fan zen. We envy their fan collection and get tired of hearing the same stories, but they’re a valuable member of the crew.

The ‘have a snickers’

There’s always one in the group. This supporter will yell and curse about everything. Most likely to flip the board when playing Monopoly, The ‘have a snickers’ is super competitive. A bad call from the referee or a terrible play sends this supporter on a rampage. Best to stay out of their way and let them do their thing.

Strengths:Game Knowledge. Entertaining.

Weaknesses: Buzz kill. Gets kicked out of everything.

Verdict: As much as you try to host a get together without them, they always seem to turn up. But when they get ‘too involved’ just pretend you don’t know them.

The Bandwagon fans

These fans will support whatever team is the most popular at the time. But as soon as that team is no longer hot, they mysteriously fall quiet. They’ll come to each game in a neutral shirt claiming the team that wins is ‘their team!’ The Bandwagon Fans are easily persuaded by other supporters and won’t join any bet.

Strengths: Provides good snacks. Passionate.

Weaknesses: Unreliable. Poor game knowledge. Fear commitment.

Verdict: Although they are unreliable and usually late to the game, they’re fun to mess with and don’t do any harm.

The Couch Coach

These fans think they know everything. When the ‘qualified’ coach brings on a player they’ll shake the fists at the telly saying (insert name) was a much better option. You’ve got to give them credit- they’re super dedicated and at times they know their stuff, but their communications degree doesn’t quite come in handy with their sporting tips. Another species who are best left alone. An occasional nod will keep them satisfied.

Strengths: Great game knowledge. Committed.

Weaknesses: Sulks easily. Big ego.

Verdict: They’re great to have around if you’re looking to learn more about the game, but they can get annoying. Best to sit them next to The Rookie- they’ll hit it off.

The Secret Master

This supporter may not look like much. They often sit there quietly mocking the more vocal fans in the crew. But occasionally they’ll whip out a call surprising everyone. They’re the ultimate fan because they don’t flaunt anything. They’re easily satisfied and just enjoy a good game.

Strengths: Perfect for quiz nights- the sports round is theirs for the taking.

Weaknesses: They always play it safe. Don’t partake in bets.

Verdict: These are the ones you want to keep close. They’re not always the most fun or entertaining, but they’re easily pleased.

The Rookie

They refuse to admit it, but they know nothing. They’ll add a “yeah” to anything anyone else says. They’ll come to games to get pics with the crew and will be more pumped about being at the game than actually watching the game. They’re a great pair for The Couch Coach who could teach them a thing or two.

Strengths: Cheering loudly. Taking photos.

Weaknesses: Knowing when to cheer. Easily distracted.

Verdict: Despite not knowing much, games night wouldn’t be the same without them. Their cheering when the other team gets the call is kind of sweet.

The Admirers

These supporters don’t really care about the game. The players are the main attraction. Their favourite players always happen to be the most attractive. Some Admirers even try dress like the players (haircut and all).

Strengths: Unwavering loyalty. Good looking. Pays for the tickets.

Weaknesses: They’re a little creepy. Always on their phone.

Verdict: They’re great friends and always a good time, but they’re a little annoying to watch the game with. Better to sit on the other side of the row or couch if you’re a sports guru.

The Sports Hater

Ok they’re not really sports supporters at all. They can’t fathom why someone would choose to watch small dots running round and pushing each other over on a Friday night. They’re not willing to give it a go, and their idea of exercise is a walk to the grocery store.

Strengths: Intellegent. Excellent on excel.

Weaknesses: Too serious. Social skills.

Verdict: They’re great when you need advice or to vent with. But when it comes to sports chat, leave them out.