May 27, 2019
Issue 06 2019


Luckily for us, the Massive drugs issue coincided with the announcement of the basic details around a bill related to a massive drugs issue. Well, not that massive, but I liked the wordplay.

The 2020 recreational marijuana referendum is just around the corner, and finally we have a tiny bit more information about it! Hooray! It will be a simple yes or no question that will be included when you vote in the 2020 general election so no need to make two separate trips to your local library; once every 3 years is enough for me thanks.

If it goes through, it means that people over twenty can purchase and consume marijuana, and it can then be consumed in licenced premises or private residences. I don’t even have any jokes or anything for this, I honestly think it’s pretty cool and progressive. If Barack Obama can get zooted and still become President, shouldn’t we all have that chance? Barack’s college weed stories are actually pretty funny and in-character for him so go do some external research reader: take some responsibility for yourself!

But will this referendum be binding or not? There is lots of theorising and debating going on about the logistics even if the whole of New Zealand say yes to legalise it, but who knows? Just like Halsey sung, will we soon be the new Americana getting high off legal marijuana?

In other news, Simon Bridges has had two ‘incidents’ in parliament. The runner up is him yelling about the Ministry of Corrections spending over $1mil on slushie machines for staff and inmates due to the “uncomfortably hot conditions during the summer of 2017/18”, which I think is fair enough to criticise. I can understand them looking out for their staff and inmates, but I mean, how come actual criminals can get a goddamn slushie, but every McDonald’s close to me always has broken Frozen Coke machines? Please look into the state of Wellington’s Frozen Coke machines Jacinda, I’m begging you.

Now with that being the runner up Simon Bridges incident, what could be the main event? Of course it is how he got kicked out of parliament during Question Time yet AGAIN by Speaker of the House Trevor Mallard for apparently making barnyard noises. But I’ve actually pulled a little switcheroo on yah because I am actually on Simon Bridges’ side this time - I might even say I felt like I liked him in this moment but purely because the other side of the issue is Trevor. Speaker of the House Trevor Mallard has arguably not been doing his job properly as a speaker, which is of course to remain impartial, as he has been constantly picking on National, mainly Simon Bridges. Former MP Peter Dunne has even described Trevor as acting as Jacinda’s “protector” which is “utterly patronising”, so I actually feel quite sorry for Simon for being kicked out of Question Time by Trevor so many times.

Question Time should be a time to, well, ask questions, and when Simon Bridges questioned Trevor about his completely unfair treatment from him, Trevor kicked him out.

But chin up Simon, don’t let a guy from Wainuiomata get you down (as someone from Wainuiomata I am allowed to say this). Just tell Trevor that he lives in the town with the worst mall in New Zealand - that’s sure to get him riled up. It might even get him to throw a few more punches in Parliament just like he did in 2007.

I’m so proud of my hometown’s major politician’s legacy.