April 29, 2019
Issue 04 2019


I think sometimes it’s hard for the things I say to be taken sincerely due to me building the basis of my humour around deadpan and sarcasm. So I completely understand why people would be sceptical, but let me just say now; I am very serious about my reaction to the horrific things that happened in Christchurch. It was absolutely horrifying for the whole country, so I can’t even begin to imagine how scary it would’ve been for those in Christchurch or those with loved ones there. It is certainly something that should not be taken lightly.

But I am not here to give you another heartfelt emotional piece; I am here to talk about politics! And for the second column in a row I am talking about Jacinda. Who knew I would be spending so much time talking about our country’s prime minister in a politics column? It’s come as a shock to me, that’s for sure.

No matter what side you’re on, you cannot deny Jacinda’s brilliant response, which has brought positive international attention in such a dark time for our country. She officially defined it as an act of terrorism within hours of it occurring, which is a massive and progressive thing considering society’s racial assumptions of the word ‘terrorist’. She has appeared in multiple different places since then, delivering heartwarming and inspiring speeches along the way.

There was a massive projection of her on the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, one of the tallest buildings in the world which you may recognise from the undeniably best sequence in the Mission Impossible film series. So now when I think of Dubai I will think of both Jacinda and Tom Cruise, which isn’t too bad in my opinion. There have also been cries out for her to receive the Nobel Peace Prize, which she has claimed doesn’t sit comfortably with her as she is just “doing [her] job.” This is a humbling response, but it makes us question if she’d get it for doing her job well like she is supposed to do, but I guess only time will tell.

Jacinda instantly announced she would be revising and changing the current New Zealand gun laws, which much like the Jonas Brothers announcing their comeback, is something I had forgotten we ever needed but am incredibly glad it’s happening regardless.

It has been debated that this has been a knee jerk reaction, which I do kinda agree with. However, everyone’s favourite Dancing with the Stars star David Seymour tried to slow down the gun law motions by voting against it but, both hilariously and tragically, the pesky journalists distracting him made him miss the vote. And as this is likely the only time I am ever going to get to mention David Seymour, I once saw him sitting in Hyde Park in London and he smiled at me! If only I could go back in time and tell him not to talk to the goddamn press; now I’ll always be wondering what might’ve been.

There was definitely a point where I found that there was just too much coverage and too much repeating of the same things. With the now constant ‘breaking news’ alerts on Stuff and Newshub for anything slightly alarming (which ultimately result in nothing), it is undebatable that this event has changed our country already. For better or for the worse it’s much too early to tell, but this isn’t about that. I am glad to report that we are certain of the incredible job Jacinda has been doing and has continued to do, and how lucky we are to have someone like her for us to look up to.

Now due to all this, you will never get to hear my opinions on the student climate change protest and the response to that, so unfortunately a whole piece ripping into Duncan Garner has had to be sent to the recycle bin. Just kidding, I still have it - hunt me down if you want to read it.