July 30, 2018
Issue 8 2018
Lit Fam or Shit Scam?

Mr Go's

As I sit here at 11.43 pm in my underwear, eating three-day old chicken salad, surrounded by the clutter of a madman, it suddenly comes to me. The perfect introduction to this issue of my insufferably named column. Unfortunately, as I begin typing this exquisite intro, a second realisation hits me, strong enough to erase that extraordinary sequence of words from my mind forever. Matt Smith is just the next Pokemon evolution of Tom Holland.

So due to this untimely epiphany, you’ll just have to make do with this intro instead.

We can’t all live off chicken salad, especially since it has a life expectancy of two days, involves forking over booze money for ridiculously priced poultry and veg, and Trump probably eats it.

So, we make do with grotty noodles and toasted sandwiches that could kill a rat and hope for a future where maybe we can eat at least two of the five food groups on a weekly basis.

But sometimes it’s a good idea to treat yourself, and Wellington has a plethora of questionably decorated yet reasonably priced venues. It is within this plethora that you will find Mr Go’s, a little restaurant at 59 Taranaki Street. This gem of a place was established in honour of Mr Ah Go, a Chinese market gardener who lived on Tasman street in the 1880s.

The owner of what were probably very nice gardens, Mr Go was approached by the council, who wanted to build upon his land for the ‘undeniably noble cause’ of building houses for Western folk. Despite his proposition to develop his land to accommodate both the settlers and his family, the council flattened his land anyway. It is not known what happened to Mr Go, but it is entirely possible that he took up painting.

I took a mate with me to Go scope it out. I was shocked to learn that this tiny nook could seat over a hundred people, and that every night it was practically overflowing with customers. We took seats at the bar and decided on what to order.

As an amalgamation of Asian and Western culture, you’d expect this busy place to have some mighty fine eats. We ordered a Chicken Gua Bau each, Taiwanese Popcorn Chicken, and the locally famous Kimchi Loaded Fries.

The popcorn chicken came first, which is so damn tasty it’ll make you forget KFC even exists. You can alternate dipping it between the hot chilli sauce and the fresh basil mayo for a love bomb in your mouth.

Next, we got our Baus, steaming hot, with dough softer than my legs (last issues’s hair still hasn’t grown back btw), and the only way I can describe it is if a taco fucked a burger on a bed of hopes and dreams.

Around this time, they brought out the Kimchi Loaded Fries. This messy dish is ranked in the top ten fries in Wellington and was an interesting experience. I’m used to Kimchi tasting like grumpy pickles, but this Kimchi was much milder, and soaked in something very buttery. The result was a tangled soppy mess of fries, vegetables, and sauce, but who needs presentation when you’ve got hot, buttery fries sliding down your gullet.

We finished the food pretty fast, and it was pleasantly filling. What made the experience even better was knowing that we weren’t going to blow the bank. At $9 each, the Baus are an insanely affordable splurge on a night out. I’d recommend getting a Bau for yourself and splitting a side with a mate. Then you can both Go home with happy bellies for only $15 each.

Even if you’re one of those weirdos that only eats compost, you’ll be delighted to know that Mr Go’s has Vegetarian, Vegan, and Gluten Free options. In fact, options are a loose term considering they make up over half of the menu.

Go on, I hear you say.

If you like grumpy, unfriendly staff then I’m sorry, you won’t find a shred of that here. If you take warm and lively attitudes, A-Grade professionalism, and large quantities of physical attractiveness, baked at 180C for 30 minutes, you have yourself the staff of Mr Go’s. Serves a hundred.

The only critique I can make is that dark green and pink clash worse than Elastigirl and skinny jeans, and I have often been skeptical of this colour scheme as I Go past this place to and from work. However, as I have said earlier, presentation is irrelevant when you provide such a quality experience. Besides, it’s nicer on the inside anyway, with a furnished bar, deep red lights, and a row of cheeky Maneki-neko cats. I do think it can feel a little cramped during peak hours, but when your influx of customers threatens to exceed your seating plan, sometimes you’ve got to accept a little harmonious in-between.

You’ll find it hard to book here, Mr Go’s doesn’t reserve for less than four people, but you shouldn’t have any troubles rocking up and squeezing in. Go grab some mates, get out of that mouldy flat, and reward yourselves for all the hard work you’re supposed to be doing that you’re putting off until Monday.

If you’re still not convinced, then let me put it another way. Experiences come and Go, and if you don’t Go in the direction of those experiences, you’ll find that as the years Go by, your world will become the worst thing that has ever existed in human history.

Ordinary.

If you’re ever unsure about something, the answer is always give it a Go.

I rate Mr Go’s 5/5 Resene Swatch Palettes, therefore it’s Lit Fam.

Next Issue - Don’t wake me I plan on sleeping in