July 16, 2019
Issue 07 2019
Shower Thoughts

How Gluteal Shingles Taught Me To Be More Lazy

Recently, I managed to contract a viral infection called shingles. 

This virus is most common for those above the age of 60. Whilst I may be referred to as a Grampa sometimes, I certainly don’t think this was the reason for my new viral acquisition. 

Upon showing my gluteal area to the poor doctor, I was told that shingles was the problem at hand (or cheek). After doing a bit of research, I established that it can be contracted by the younger generations in extreme situations. Thinking back over the past couple of weeks, I couldn’t really think of what could have been ‘extreme’. However, a vague memory popped up. I had actually been to four parties in only two weeks. Attending one party every month is pretty extreme for me, but having four in just two weeks really bent me over and reamed me. 

Anyhow, I wasn’t too fazed as it was the beginning of the mid-semester break. What could go wrong? Well, a lot could go wrong. The mere activity of excreting was made 10 times harder by the fact that my buttocks were a war zone. Sleep was more of an occasional treat than a regularity. It was hard to imagine a worse situation to be in. Let the flu symptoms enter the mix. Coughing, sneezing and aching all over. At this point, I was pretty much a crawling snot machine. What a mission. 

Hindsight is a beautiful thing, however my behind was not. Looking back, I was pretty run-down from uni work, and the additional alcohol and lack of sleep certainly helped to create a roaring catastrophe on my gluteal area. 

However, this debacle taught me many things. Certainly the biggest lesson was teaching myself to be more lazy; just take a chill-pill. One thing that shouldn’t be taken for granted is your health. Prioritise yourself, rather than social lubricant and late nights. That being said, you are only young once. 

TL;DR: Shingles is a snot and blister filled roller-coaster ride that tends to bring you down to your lowest point at the most opportune moments. Proceed with caution. 

Until Next Time, 


Not Your Average Ponderer