August 13, 2019
Issue 09 2019
Horrorscopes

Horrorscopes: Occupations

What Occupation You Best Fit Based on Your Sun Sign 


ARIES

No one can pin you down, you are way too inattentive to stay in one career path your whole life. Look for a job where you can get your adrenaline fix! 


TAURUS

Even if you wanted to change your degree you wouldn't because you stay the course, no matter what. Just don't let your job become stale, find a way to mix it up. 


GEMINI

Ruled by Mercury, planet of Communication, you are the Zodiac natural social media maven. Make sure to unplug once in a while or you could end up saying, “swipe up you guys!” in your sleep. 


CANCER

As a natural nurturer, you are probably studying Nursing or Early Childhood Education. Make sure to care for yourself first. Time to buy that foot spa because #selfcare.


LEO

People are naturally drawn to you so don't disappoint them. Being this naturally charismatic and funny is hard but somebody has to do it. Sign up for that leading role in Expressive Arts!


VIRGO

When confronted with a differing opinion, resist the urge to nit pick. Not everyone was born with a five year plan. Sun in Virgo helps everyone get their shit together. 


LIBRA 

Ask out that crush you met at work. Venus in Libra lights up your desire for romance and beauty. Take a pole fitness class and you could be in line for a whole new career. 

SCORPIO
A career? Who's asking? Why do they want to know? You're probably only at uni as a front for your undercover work. Not that you'd ever admit it. But if you did have a job it would be  something dangerous. 


SAGITTARIUS

Take aim and fire! We're so close to the end it can feel like all your energy has been sapped by the end of the semester. If you push through the rewards will be monstrous and momentous. 

CAPRICORN

You love work, and they have to drag you away at the end of the day. But remember career is not the be all and end all, turn off your screen and touch some plants. 


AQUARIUS

Aquarius Harry Styles made a career out of being The Hot One and so can you! Sign up for Life drawing and let the world see how beautiful you are inside and out. 


PISCES

Swim toward your destiny. It may not be for everyone but you know what works for you. Water Sign intuition is powerful and you should listen to it, change your major if needed and pick some wild electives.