Q: Hey there MASSIVE Gurus whoever you are, I am in a bind and could use some help. So, lets take it from the top… In the past couple of months, I have slept with lots of guys, like lots and lots of guys and although I’d usually refrain from calling myself promiscuous I am gaining a reputation for it and losing respect. How do I earn my respect back from men? HELP!
A: R-E-S-P-E-C-T, you better find out what that means to me. That is the line you have got to use to males that want you to be a sluzza to them. Once you get caught in this trap of promiscuity it is hard to get out – but it is possible.
Firstly, define yourself. Find your chi, enter into a trance of pure bliss, this can be achieved while taking a shit, having a durry, or drinking yourself into the point of no return. Once you have found that place, you can then find out if being promiscuous is your thing. Maybe it is, maybe you were put into this world to be promiscuous, to let the boys ‘tap that’.
If so, embrace it baby; you got skill in being a fly honey that is easy to get with. I love people like you.
Now, if you find that when you’re in your centre of chi, and the angels of chi and energy and yoga and rainbows and unicorns tell you that being promiscuous isn’t your thing, then baby gurl, you have made the first step into entering into the world of serious relationships.
Follow these steps to get out of the trap.
Step One: Dress in attire that doesn’t say, “hey I’m easy and I want you to want me”, instead dress in a business suit when in town, cover that shit up.
Step Two: Next, find a respectable guy, not one that you pash and grind on in town, and he tries to hide his erection from you, and you wonder what is poking your back, but a decent, respectable and rich guy, like me.
Step Three: Once you have found the one, then settle Gretel, don’t be too forward, don’t throw your cat just yet.
As long as it remains in the cage, you are keeping him eager and showing him that you aren’t one of those naughty girls.
You have now earned the respect of the male gender; be like Aretha Franklin, mmhmmm sista, and I’ll say a little prayer for you (see what I did there, I so clever).
Do you have a problem that only the Gurus can solve?
Join billions of other troubled souls and message the Gurus at formspring.me/massiveguruz. Every now and then they will descend from their ivory tower atop the world’s tallest mountain to pass on advice and sage wisdom to those in need. Ask carefully though sometimes ignorance is better then truth.